Arriving in Aus
by TamaraLDBrennan
Summary: It's just some fun I was having with my own fantasy's of what I want for my life. If you are a serious Stanathan shipper- don't read. If you want to marry NF yourself and get jealous easily- don't read. NO mean comments please. This is only being published here at the request of a friend who wanted to read.
1. Chapter 1

After disembarking from the plane Nathan and I walked down the halls of the airport with our sleeping daughters, towards passport control. This is where things get tough. There are two lines; a line for international entrants and a line for Australian entrants. I am Australian but my girls and my husband are American. I can't leave Nathan to hold both babies. I can only imagine him trying to hold both girls and try to deal with passports too. And as the pram is considered an oversized item, it will need to be collected after we get through customs.

As Nathan gets to the end of the international entrants queue I walk towards the tall, slim, naturally tanned young lady who looked liked she was in her late twenties who seemed to be there to help. I asked her what I could do about our situation. She looked at me with a smile and said we could get into either line and she would make sure the officer was aware of our situation. I told her I would stand with my husband and children and could she just let the officer know I was in the wrong queue for a perfectly good reason. She smiled at me and nodded politely.

Nathan and I waited for only ten minutes before we were called, the lady I had just spoken to came over quickly and explained to the officer our situation; I am actually Australian but both my daughters and husband are American, but to avoid juggling six week old twins and passports I am with him. He smiled at us, said it was fine, stamped all of our passports and welcomed us to Australia. He smiled extra hard as Stana started to make gurgling noises in her sleep. I turned Stana around for him to see her face which was all scrunched up from the extra light on her face compared to the darkness of where her head had just been, in the crook of my neck. He smiled at her and held out his finger to her hand. She grabbed it tightly. He told us his wife was expecting their first and he was very excited, he was also having a girl. Nathan shook the man's hand and said congratulations. Nathan encouraged the young man to take full pleasure in the sleep he was getting before the baby came. The man smiled and said he had been told that and was doing what he could. Nathan and I smiled at him and said our congratulations and goodbyes. We walked down the hall further to collect our luggage.  
"I'll go and see if I can get the pram." I pointed to the oversized luggage pick up desk as I spoke. Nathan smiled at me and nodded. "I'll be back as quick as I can."  
I walked over to the desk and handed the lady my oversized luggage ticket. Nearly fifteen minutes later the same woman returned with my pram. I managed to get it open, locked in place and I gently placed Stana in her side of the pram. I walked over to Nathan who had attempted to get our first suitcase with no luck, however someone had been kind enough to grab it for him. Nathan was smiling and shaking his hand and talking about little Kensi as I walked over with the pram. Nathan lay Kensi down next to her sister and the man just looked shocked.  
"Oh my word, you have twins."  
"Yeah." Nathan grinned at the man who was now peering down at the two girls fast asleep in the pram.  
"They are so beautiful, how old are they?"  
"Thank you, they are six weeks tomorrow, or today actually, here." I answered with a proud smile on my face.  
Nathan went and grabbed the rest of our luggage.  
"Must be hard to travel with one baby let alone two." The man was still looking at the girls.  
"Yeah it's... ummm... interesting to say the least." I commented.  
Nathan walked back over with our second suitcase "It's all about having a hyper organised wife." Nathe  
"Yeah. Thanks" I agreed. "I am super organised." I smiled at the man and then looked at Nathan with that 'don't tease me' look.  
The man smiled at us "I'm sure that will come in handy with twins."  
"Agreed." Me.  
Nathan and I both shook the man's hand as Nathan attached the smaller case to the larger case and we started to make a move towards quarantine. I smiled at Nathan as I pushed the pram. He smiled back at me before leaning down for a quick kiss.  
We walked through quarantine and after having to open our suitcases to show them we had nothing to declare and then unload our girls and put the pram through the scanner we were finally walking through the big silver doors to see friends and family waiting for all their loved ones. As expected no one would be waiting for us. After walking out on my family over three years ago I didn't really have many people here in Australia that would want to see me at the airport, let alone at 3am.

Nathan and I had hired a car so we wandered over to the hire car pick up location. First thing we did after picking up the keys was check the car seats and put the girls in the car. We loaded up and headed out of the airport car park towards our hotel.  
"How are you feeling?" Nathan asked me while holding my hand and rubbing his thumb across the back of it.  
"I'm ok. Tired but good. The girls are gonna need a feed in less than an hour, I really hope we get settled into the hotel quickly."  
Nathan smiled at me. Our conversations now always contain some level of baby talk. There is always something baby related. The girls need this, or did that etc. - always. But it's perfect.  
"I meant how are you? This is the first time you have been back here since you left and since we got married and since we had the girls. Alot has changed in your life, but you're still the same girl that walked out on her family three years ago. How are you?" Nathan pressed. He always read me like a book.  
"I am ok. I am nervous to see my Grandparents- they are the only ones I have told in Australia about you or them." I half smiled at Nathan knowing full well that my eyes showed how nervous I really was.  
"You're gonna be ok. We're only here for a week. Your Gran has said she hasn't told your mom that you are coming and you will see your foster family on Monday. Hopefully they haven't told many people but I wouldn't be surprised if more than just John and Luisa are there."  
"Yeah I know. I expect at least Cazz to be there. I don't really know who else. The best part of doing it on a Monday means it will reduce the amount of people that might show up." I was starting to relax.  
"We're gonna be fine, no matter who shows up. You can show me and your girls off and we will then simply fly home next Friday."

We were literally here for a week. We arrived on Friday morning at 2am and were leaving the following Friday at 10am. I was excited to show off my girls like any proud parent, and I was excited to show off my husband too. It was funny; Nathan and I had been married for two years and so I had done most of the 'showing off' I needed to do, but now I was back in Aus and no one except my grandparents knew I was married and they hadn't even met Nathan until two days before the wedding. I'm sure they would have told my mom and my sister and brothers, but I hadn't told anyone but my Gran and Grandad. As I drove closer to the hotel I started to get more and more excited to show off my family. This was my chance to show people that the girl they ignored for her entire life had become more of who I wanted to be in the three years without them, than I ever could have in the 28 years I had with them. I simply smiled at Nathan.

"You're getting excited; I can see it in your eyes." Nathan smiled at me.  
"I am. I love showing off my hubby and my girls." Nathan lifted my hand and kissed it. His kisses melt my heart every single time. All I could do was smile. The rest of the car ride was spent discussing the girls, people we could run in to and I told him more about where we were going and who he was gonna meet. We talked about Monday and how weird it's gonna be to introduce my foster family to my husband and kids considering last time I saw them I was single and angry about not being able to have kids.

Nathan and I arrived at the hotel at just before 4am and the Kensi starting to grizzle. As we pulled up a gentleman from the hotel walked over to our car and opened the boot. He pulled our luggage out of the car and put it on the bell boy's luggage cart. Nathan and I unloaded the girls and headed inside after giving the valet attendant the keys.

We headed up to the room which had been equipped with two porta-cots, which was great. Kensi was starting to get very frustrated with her lack of food, so while Nathan unpacked our stuff I fed Kensi. I love looking down at her face. I took in her light brown hair, her little round nose; that was the same as her dad's when he was a baby, her pink lips, her perfect chin and her little pink chubby cheeks. Even-though my girls are not identical twins, they look so alike right now. She seems to watch me when she feeds and I love it so dearly. The fact that I didn't give birth to my girls means that I can't breast feed, but that also means Nathan and I can both feed the girls and it also means that while Nathan's at work I don't have to try to juggle two girls. I don't even have to hold two bottles. The girls and I have an understanding, they only get fed one at a time. It's always Kensi and then Stana. Kensi is a guts. Stana is just fussy. Stana will eat and then get distracted by me or something else and then I have to remind her that she's supposed to be eating. Kensi however you could put her favourite toy, which is her lion, above her head while feeding and she won't even acknowledge its existence. All that exists is me and the bottle.  
As I sat there feeding Kensi I watched my husband finish unpacking and prepare Stana's bottle and all I could think was how lucky I am. I have met the man of dreams and I have two beautiful girls. If someone had have said this would be my life five years ago, even three, I would have decked them for playing a cruel joke on me. But here I am- three years after walking out on my family and moving overseas- with my wonderful husband, who happens to be the main character from my favourite TV show and my twins girls; who carry none of my DNA and were born using the surrogacy program, but have my name on their birth certificate as their mother. I was one very happy woman. Nathan could sense my happiness overwhelming in me and looked up to see the tears starting to form in my eyes.  
"What's up sweetie?" Nathan smiled at me knowing the tears were out of happiness and not sadness.  
"I'm just overwhelmed with everything. I never thought I would have all of this, but here I am. I have more than I could have imagined. It's just a little overwhelming." The tears started to flow down my cheeks.  
Nathan picked up Stana and came to sit next to me. He leaned over and kissed me and then proceeded to sit as close to me as he could. "You never thought you'd have your own family?"  
"I had once hoped. But I lost the hope of having my own family long ago. I certainly never expected this all to happen with you, and I never expected my kids to be twins, nor to be so amazing, nor to come along so quickly. And even when I hoped I would meet someone, I never thought I would. I thought I'd be single forever."  
"Well you're stuck with us now. Stana and Kensi need their mom and I need my wife. We love you very much Tam."  
"I love you too Nathan." I kissed him and looked down to Kensi "and mummy loves you too baby girl." I leaned over and kissed Stana head "and I love you too princess." Wow. My family is so amazing.

After the girls were fed and changed we put them down in their cots. Nathan and I agreed I would take the next feed because I got to sleep on the plane (if you can call napping between feeds sleep) whereas Nathan can't sleep on planes. We didn't have to be at my Gran's until 12:30pm and so we had about six hours before we had to be up. Hmmm. I was exhausted just thinking about it.


	2. Chapter 2

Next feed was at 7am- I'd had just on two hours sleep. Kensi woke up first and then Stana. Nathan slept right through their grizzles and the feeds too. Both had been fed, changed, had their tummy time and were down again by 8:30am. I was asleep again by 8:35am I'm sure.

The next feed and change was at 10am. Again both girls were down again just before 11:30am. Nathan's alarm went off at 11:30am. Kensi had been asleep for about half-an-hour and Stana had just nodded off, I practically flew across the bed to turn off the alarm so as not to disturb Stana, but I was too late. Stana cried and Kensi grizzled but both managed to settle themselves very quickly.  
I told Nathan to get up and shower as I climbed back into bed; I would continue to snooze till I absolutely had to get out of bed.  
He kissed my forehead before getting out of bed "We have to leave in 45minutes, I think when I get out of the shower is cutting it fine enough."  
"I know, I know, I'm just tired." I pulled the sheets up over my head. "Did you get enough sleep?"  
"I remember hearing the girls but that's about it." Nathan replied as he headed for the shower.  
I heard the shower start and heard Nathan close the glass shower screen. My mind started to race and so did my heart. My head was thinking of all the possibilities. What if mom showed up? What if another family member showed up? What if Gran was angry at me? I got out of bed and put the kettle on. I made myself a tea and Nathan a coffee. I started to search for something to wear.  
I heard Nathan get out of the shower just as I decided what to wear... or more like me to make a quick decision coz I knew I had no time to ponder. Either way, dark blue jeans, brown boots, dark brown short sleeved top and a grey jacket would do just nicely in the cool early September weather.  
"All yours hunni" Nathan stated as he walked out of the bathroom.  
"Thanks" All I could do was smile at him. He's just so sexy when he only wears a towel.

I quickly headed for a quick shower. It was already 11:50am. We were only a five minute drive from my Gran's place but I still didn't want to be late. We chose to stay here to ensure we had maximum time doing things and less time traveling.  
I had one of the fastest showers I think I have ever had, excluding the day the girls were born. I did my hair, makeup, and brushed my teeth. While Nathan got himself ready I made sure we had enough bottles and formula. I packed the diaper bag as if we were going for a few days instead of a few hours and once I was satisfied I had everything I needed ready to go I started to get the girls ready. Our twins are not identical so we never dress them in exactly the same thing; they also look exactly the same right now so it helps to tell them apart. Mind you, even if they were identical we still wouldn't dress them the same, Nathan finds that creepy and I kinda do too. Today they were both in onesies; Stana's was red with biggish white polka dots and Kensi's was bright but dark pink with a big white daisy on the front.

After getting the girls ready we looked around the hotel room to ensure we had everything. We did. Nathan called ahead to have the car brought to the front and it pulled up just as we exited the lifts. The valet offered to help us with our stuff but we happily refused. It can be more work with someone trying to help; Nathan and I have a very good routine already in packing the car. Nathan and I each place a child in their car seats along with the plush buddies. Stana has a tiger and Kensi has a lion. We go no where without them. Nathan and I then pack the boot. Easy! And always done fairly quickly; and depending on the girls fairly painlessly too.

Nathan and I got in the car and as I adjusted my rear view mirror, I could see the feet of both my girls which always warms my heart. They are still so tiny.  
"Ready?" Nathan asked me.  
"As ready as I'll ever be really." I smiled at him. "Nervous, but ready."  
"We'll be fine. I'm excited to see Pete and Shirley again."  
"They love you Nathan. I'm sure they are more excited to see the girls though."  
Nathan looked at me faking sadness "I know it's horrible. My own daughters have made me invisible to your family."  
I laughed as we drove down the main road "My family" I lifted one hand from the steering wheel and made bunny ears at the word family "technically shouldn't even know you exist at all except for my grandparents, but I know Gran would have told them all about us and the girls too. As long as she hasn't told them that we are here today I am ok."  
"So you wouldn't be totally ecstatic to show off your girls today if your mom or sister or brothers showed up?"  
I looked at Nathan quizzically "You haven't invited them have you?" I can read him as well as he can read me sometimes.  
"Not all of them, but your mom will be there. And possibly your sister and nieces and nephew and your brothers are gonna try to come too"  
I nearly slammed on my breaks, but didn't, I breathed hard and kept driving. "What on earth? Why didn't you tell me? What the fuck Nathan? You know full well that I want nothing to do with my family. Why would you do this?" I was almost screaming. I was so angry.  
"I know you Tam" Nathan tried to hold my hand but I pulled it away from him. "I know that you ran away from your family because you felt invisible to them, but I also know that deep down inside you really wanna show off your girls. I know you wanna prove them wrong. And I know you want them to see that they were wrong. Let's see who comes and see what happens. And if it's truly as bad as you say then I will never ever attempt to contact them again. I will do anything in my power to ensure you never have to see them or hear from them again."  
My tightly gritted teeth started to loosen as did my grip on the wheel. We pulled into Gran and Grandad's drive way and my heart slowed down as I noticed there was no one else's car here just yet. "I am really angry at you right now but we'll talk about it later. Maybe today you will see why I left; however seem as though today will be about the girls I highly doubt my mom with be the same bitch that she usually is."  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries. But I see you with my family and Dani's family and Stana's family and I can see it in your eyes that you wish your family was like them. I just thought maybe after three year apart things might be different."  
"I doubt it, after 28 years of expecting it to be different it never changed and I don't expect any changes. What time will other people get here?"  
Nathan leaned over and kissed me. "I love you Tam and I promise; this is for you. I told Pete and Shirley to make sure no one would arrive before 1:30pm so you have some time with your Grandparents and they have some time with us and the girls."  
Nathan and I got out of the car, unpacked the boot and each of us unloaded one of the girls. We walked up the drive way and entered through the back gate.  
My grandad was the first to walk outside to see us and as he did he embraced me and kissed me on the head. "Hello. It's so good to see you."  
"Hey Grandad, it's good to see you too. I have missed you." I squeezed tight.  
"Yeah I missed you too." Grandad smiled at me and then his eyes looked behind me to see Nathan "Hey mate, how ya doing? Looking after my granddaughter?" Grandad was beaming.  
"I'm always looking after your granddaughter Pete, you know that" Nathan shook Grandad's hand "And I'm good too."  
Grandad and Nathan had their laugh.  
Gran walked out with red eyes; clearly she'd been crying "Awww Gran don't cry. We're ok. We're fantastic. Here, meet your next great granddaughter" I said as I moved Stana from my shoulder to face forward and see Gran. "Stana this is your GeeGee and Gran this is Stana Kate".  
Gran beamed as Stana looked up at her. She took Stana's hand in her own "C'mon let's sit down and meet these girls properly."  
We all walked over to their outside table and chairs and Nathan and I sat either side of Gran and Grandad. It wasn't as cold as expected today so it was nice to sit outside.  
Nathan moved Kensi so she was also facing outward "This is Kensi Ruah." Kensi was partially awake and just looking around.  
"They're unusual names, where do they come from?" Gran asked.  
I answered. "Well Stana is named after one of my best friends Stana Katic and Kate is a character she played"  
Grandad's face lit up "Kate Beckett."  
"Yep!" I smiled at Grandad.  
Before I left Australia my Grandad and I shared our deep love for the show 'Castle'. "And Kensi a similar situation but backwards. My other best friend, Daniela plays Kensi on another procedural on TV. Ruah is Dani's surname. But Kensi Daniela didn't go as well as Kensi Ruah and Daniela is Gary's (Gary is my brother) ex girlfriend's name."  
Gran beamed at me "They are beautiful names and beautiful girls."  
"Do you want to hold them?" Nathan asked looking at both of them.  
Gran and Grandad both looked hesitant but both accepted. Nathan handed Grandad Kensi and I handed Gran Stana.  
"Nathan grab the camera. It's in my handbag."  
Nathan dug around in my bag to get it and pulled it out with a grin on his face.  
"Tamara our camera is inside will you get it for us and take a photo please?" Gran asked.  
"Yep." I walked inside to get their camera off the bench and headed back out to see Gran and Grandad looking at each other and smiling. They knew they were very special to be getting to hold these girls. No one else in my family was even sent a photo or announcement of their arrival let alone got to meet them and hold them. I could see Gran's eye were wet with tears. I snapped lots of photos for them. They probably wouldn't see the girls again for a while so it was important to have lots.  
"While you're all here we will need a photo of you and Nathan and the girls for the photo frame in our room." Gran.  
"OK." I replied knowing how important it was for them.  
Gran and Grandad have a photo frame in their room that carries a photo of them in the middle and then their kids with their husbands or wives and then their grandkids on their own or with their partners or families depending on each situation. The last photo Gran has in there is of me and Nathan at our wedding.

"Are you ready for lunch?" Grandad asked handing Kensi to me.  
"I don't know about Nathan but I'm starving, we haven't had breakfast yet."  
Nathan agreed with me.  
"What do you want?" Grandad always asked even though he usually already knew what he wanted.  
"What is there?" I asked casually.  
"We we were gonna have some soup, but there is chicken and salad for sandwiches, or there are sausages if you want to have them or some pasta sauce, we could put on some pasta."  
"Whatever Grandad, I don't feel like sausages though. What about you Gran?" I asked.  
"I'm not bothered."  
"Nathan?" I looked at him hoping he'd make a decision.  
"Whatever's going is good."  
"Oh my goodness, no one knows how to make a decision here." I laughed. "Grandad what is there that you have enough of for four of us?"  
"Pasta sauce or chicken and veggie soup."  
"Well I feel like soup so we'll go with that."  
"Ok." Grandad headed inside.  
"Do you wanna hand Pete?" Nathan called out.  
"If you want but I'm ok."  
Nathan headed inside to help Grandad.

"So how are you doing?" Gran asked me while still holding Stana.  
"I'm really good Gran. Really good. How are you?"  
"We've been good. Had a bit of a sore tummy over the past few days but other than that we've been good."  
"That's great." There were a few moments of silence. "She's beautiful isn't she?" I asked as I watched Gran looking at Stana.  
"They both are Tamara. They really are." Gran was beaming.  
"So I guess I should ask how everyone is." More a comment than a question.  
"Everyone is good. Your nieces have grown up and Jaxon too."  
"I can imagine. I suspect Mikhaila will be taller than me now and Montana either will be or won't be far off."  
Gran smiled. "Mikhaila will be taller than you, and Montana is already taller than me."  
"That's it, I'm done. I hate being so short." I laughed. "I know they are coming Gran. Nathan told me on the way here."  
Gran froze. "I hope you are not mad at us."  
"Of course not. I am mad at Nathan for not warning me. I have had no time to prepare myself for this."  
"You will be ok Tam. They are more scared to see you than you are to see them. Your mom is especially worried."  
"So she should be, she is the main reason I left." I could tell I was getting angry and so could girls as they started to grizzle. I gently rubbed Kensi's back to try to get her to settle. The more Kensi fussed, the more Stana fussed.  
Gran tried to calm Stana down, but she was screaming. Kensi was just as bad. I looked at my watch. It was just after 1pm and I though normally don't feed them at this time, I assumed due to the time difference, and the obvious tension in the air the girls were just stressed.  
"I'm not angry at you Gran, I promise. I am scared to see them and I am still so angry at them. I guess I just was hoping to avoid them like I always do." Trying to get back to topic. I put Kensi in the pram and gave her her lion. "Do you mind holding Stana for just a bit longer while I get their bottles ready?"  
"Ummm put her in the pram just to be safe."  
"Gran she is safe with you. I trust you with them."  
"I'd feel better if she was in the pram."  
"OK." I said as I took a kicking and screaming Stana from her and lay her in the pram next to her sister and gave her her tiger. I grabbed their empty bottles and the small container of formula and headed inside to put the kettle on. I could hear Gran talking to the girls and trying to calm them.  
Just as I headed in Nathan and Grandad were heading out with lunch.  
"Are the girls ok Tam? They're going nuts. They've not screamed like this since they were born." Nathan was obviously concerned.  
"Yeah, I think they are stressed out coz of the time difference, and all the tension." I said as I prepped the bottles. My own stress levels were through the roof.  
Nathan headed out with lunch for Gran and himself and I could hear him trying to calm the girls.

"Are you alright darling?" Grandad asked as Nathan headed out.  
"Yeah Grandad, bit nervous about everyone coming."  
"It'll be ok. Your mom is excited to see you I'm sure.  
"I doubt it. Probably coming to have a go at me."  
Grandad put down the bowls of soup and gave me a hug "She is very proud of you, you know. We tell her all the things you are doing and we show her all the pictures you send to us."  
"I know you do, but she never was before and it's only now that I am gone does she act likes she cares. I still don't want anything to do with her. I have my own family now. I don't need her and I don't want her in my life. I remember all the pain she caused me before I left and I have no room for that."  
Grandad squeezed me a bit tighter. "It'll be ok Tamara. You will see."  
The kettle clicked off and I pulled away from Grandad "I need to get these girls fed."  
Grandad rubbed my back "I'll see you out there."

I made up the girls' bottles as quickly as I could; but trying to get two bottles ready quickly is just impossible. Water needs to be boiled and then cooled. Thank goodness for freezers and cold running water.  
Just as I was about to head outside I heard a car pull up. Immediately my heart started to race harder than it was already. I walked outside with the bottles, one slightly hotter for Stana; it would cool down while I fed Kensi. I walked over to where I was sitting next to Gran and picked up Kensi and started to feed her. Stana had calmed down, which was perfect.  
"Do you want me to feed Stana?" Nathan asked.  
"She's ok for the moment. You eat and you can feed her when you're done." I replied knowing Nathan needed to eat. He must be starving, I know I was.

As I heard the voices get closer my heart rate slowly came back down. I recognised the voices as my three brothers, Gary, Shaun and Daniel. I let out a sigh of relief as they came through the gate with bright smiles on their faces.  
Hello's came from everyone and hugs were exchanged by Gran, Grandad and the three boys.  
"Hi" I said. "How are ya boys?"  
They all answered that they were well. And they all came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek while I continued to feed Kensi.  
"Gary, Shaun, Daniel, this is Nathan, my husband."  
Nathan stood up and shook each of their hands.  
"Wow; you got married Tam and we weren't invited." Shaun said jokingly with a hint of sadness.  
"No one was invited Shaun, except for Gran and Grandad." I said quite factually, not knowing how to answer without insulting them or causing an argument. "And these are our twin girls Kensi" I moved my head down to show I meant the one I was holding "and Stana." I looked at the pram.  
"Beautiful names Tam" Daniel commented with a smile.  
"You can all have a hold soon. I'd offer for one of you to feed Stana but she might be a bit of a pain but you're welcome to give it a go" I'd been feeding Kensi for about five minutes and I knew the bottle on the table would still be a bit hot.  
"I will." Shaun beamed.  
I manoeuvred myself so that I was holding Kensi and her bottle in the same arm and leaned over to grab Stana's bottle off the table. "It's still a bit warm, can you run it under cold water for me please?" I held the bottle out to Nathan who smiled and took it inside.  
Shaun walked over and picked up Stana and sat down next to me. "I love their outfits Tam. They are so cute."  
"I know right." Daniel agreed as he pulled a seat over right next to Shaun and was intently watching Stana as she intently watched him back.  
Nathan came out and handed Shaun the bottle. Shaun adjusted into position and Stana started to feed. He looked like a natural. He has always been good with kids though. Stana was still intently looking at Daniel.  
"Shaun, Stana has an attention issue- she gets sidetracked easily when feeding. So if she just stops just move the bottle around in the mouth and she'll come back to it."  
Shaun looked over at me and smiled. "So how have you been?"  
"Yeah I'm great actually. And you?"  
"Yeah good. Bought that cafe in the city and we're raking it in."  
"That's awesome Shaun. So proud of you. Have you paid it off yet?"  
"Yeah done, was paid in the first year."  
"WOW, that's awesome Shaun. So cool. If Nathan and I get a chance we will come in."  
"How long are you here for?"  
"Only a week. Heading back on Friday morning."  
"Oh ok. Well hopefully. Let me know and I'll make sure you get the best seats and lunch will be on me."  
"Awww Thanks Shaun. That's really nice. I don't think I could do that though."  
"You can and you will as long as you promise not to shut us out anymore and bring these two."  
"Let me talk it over with Nathan tonight."  
"What do you mean? You don't even know if you want us back in your life after you ignored us for three years?" Shaun was getting angry and Gary was too.  
"It's not that. I made the decision to leave everyone in the family except Gran and Grandad for very good reasons. Seeing you today and everything being lovely doesn't change those reasons and I don't know if I can risk my heart like that again."  
Gary was clearly mad. "We didn't walk out on you Tam, you walked out on us."  
"Yes Gary, because you guys made me feel invisible. You made me feel forgotten and I was right there." I was starting to go red and I could feel tears starting to well up.  
Just as I finished my sentence another car door closed and my heart raced again.  
Nathan was just watching me with that concerned look on his face.  
"I need to change Kensi, I'll be back in a minute."  
"Do you want me to do that?" Nathan smiled at me trying to read me.  
"Come with me. We'll change them both now." I smiled back desperately needing to hug him. "How's she doing Shaun?" I asked looking at only a half empty bottle.  
"She's good." A smile had returned to his face and I started to calm down.  
'It will be ok' I told myself. "I'll bring her back in a minute and you can hold her again."  
Nathan lifted Stana out of Shaun's arms and we headed inside.

As I put Kensi on the living room floor I leant into Nathan and hugged him. "Thank you for being here."  
"Aww honey, this is my fault. I am so sorry." Nathan kissed the top of my head. I don't think Nathan had ever seen me so vulnerable or so out of control of a situation.  
"It's ok. It'll be worse when mom gets here."  
"We'll be ok. We'll get through this together. Remember you don't need to explain yourself; you merely need to stand by what you've done. Walking away from your family was never going to be easy and regardless of how much you miss them, having a lovely day today doesn't mean you won't get hurt tomorrow. But whatever you decide today or tomorrow or in 10 years from now, I will be here, right beside you for all of it."  
I heard another car door and again my heart started to race. "Let's get this over with."  
"That's my girl."  
"Can you change them, I need to pee."  
"Sure thing sweetie." Nathan smiled at me before I headed up the small set of stairs to the bathroom.

As I walked into the bathroom I could hear that my mom was outside as well as my sister, her husband and their three kids. Gran was telling mom to stay calm and relax. I could tell mom was already frustrated at me and my heart was still racing. Gary and Grandad were being very defensive and telling everyone to calm down and forget the past and remember that I didn't know they were going to be here, so to be gentle with me and respect the fact that I am here even though I didn't want to see them.  
Gary told everyone to shut up and was very blunt "Regardless of why Tam left, she clearly had her reasons to ignore us for three years. She got married and has two kids and none of us were even told about it. We clearly did something for her to feel like she could no longer have us in her life and for her to not tell us the three biggest changes to her life. So rather than fighting and being angry just enjoy the time we have with her. She is leaving Friday. We may never see her again after this so make it count."

I took a deep breath and exhaled. Oh my goodness what a horrid day this was gonna be, but at least Nathan might see what I mean. I walked out of the bathroom and headed downstairs to get my girls and my husband who was finishing Stana's feed. "Ready to go?"  
"If you are" Nathan looked at me questioningly.  
"As I said this morning, as ready as I'll ever be. My mom, sister, brother in law and nieces and nephew are all here now." I took a deep breath "I think I might be sick."  
Nathan pulled me into his side and kissed my head "Let's show them how much your life has changed since you left. Forget why you left. Show them what they have been missing."  
I looked up at him and smiled. I leant down and picked up Kensi who was sleeping on the floor and put her into her favourite place; the crook of my neck. I kissed Nathan again and we made our way back outside.

**Author's notes... **

Wanna read more... please let me know as I don't plan to add to this unless people want to read it.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hi everyone" was all I could manage as Nathan and I walked outside. I was so nervous.

Everyone said hi and Mikhaila and Montana came over to give me hugs. It was so great to see them. Mikhaila was a few inches taller than me and Montana was as tall as me.

I kissed Tana's head and Miki's cheek- I couldn't hug them both with Kensi in my arms. "I have missed you both so much. Let me put her down and I will give you both big squeezey hugs." They both let go "Does either Gary or Daniel want to hold Kensi?"

They both wanted to, but Gary took the 'I'm the biological uncle' stand and Daniel conceded defeat. I wanted to point out that Gary wasn't biologically related either but that meant explaining their birth and I didn't want to discuss it with them right now. Nathan handed Stana and came to stand closer to me.

Mikhaila and Montana followed me as I and as I handed Kensi to Gary and as I turned around they both squeezed me very tightly. I squeezed back as hard as I could without hurting them "I love you both very much. I hope you never forgot that." It came out in more of a question than a comment.

"No" they both said in unison.

"Good."

As they let go I looked up to see mom standing there. I couldn't tell whether she wanted to hit me or hug me. "Hi Mom."

"Hi Tam" mom burst into tears and hugged me.

"Don't cry mom. I hate it when you cry."

Mom pulled away just looked at me. "I'm sorry for whatever I did."

"Let's not talk about this now. Please. Today is not about the past, it was supposed to be about seeing Gran and Grandad." I was almost pleading as I looked at Nathan. "So no crying and no arguing."

Nathan stepped closer to me.

Mom nodded in agreement.

I breathed in deeply.

That seemed to have cleared the air quickly.

I hesitantly walked over and hugged Melina and her husband Josh. I picked up my nephew Jaxon, who had grown so much and hugged him tightly. I hadn't seen him since he was one and a half. He was now nearly five.

"How about you introduce everyone Tam?" Gran interjected.

"Yep." I smiled as I took a step back to stand right beside Nathan. Nathan wrap his arm around me protectively. "So everyone, this is my husband Nathan. Nathan this is my sister Melina, my mom Tina, my brother-in-law Josh, my two nieces Mikhaila and Montana and my nephew Jaxon." I pointed to each person as I spoke. Everyone but Jaxon shook Nathan's hand. Nathan knelt down and said hey to Jaxon with a high five. Jaxon grinned as his hand made the perfect hit with Nathan's. "And these are our twin girls Stana" I pointed at Stana in Shaun's arms "and Kensi" I pointed to Gary.

There were lots of awww's but no congratulations for either my wedding or my girls. No one even asked how they were born. Considering I had all my reproductive organs removed years before I left, you'd think people would have asked. Well at least, I expected them to.

Mom and Melina walked over and introduced themselves to both the girls. I moved to stand close to them; I felt like I needed to protect them.

"They are beautiful Tamara. How old are they?" Mom asked.

"Six weeks today." I answered as Nathan took my hand and sat me down and pointed out my soup, which he had re heated. I had forgotten I hadn't eaten.

"Who's older?" Daniel

"Stana but only by a minute."

"And it wasn't even that. It just so happens to show that on the birth certificates because the actual 30 or 40 seconds between them happened near the end of a minute." Nathan laughed.

Everyone smiled at the story.

"What are their names?" Melina.

"Stana Kate and Kensi Ruah Fillion" I answered.

"They're really pretty names Tamara." Mom.

"Thanks." I smiled at her while eating my soup.

After fighting with Shaun and Gary for ten minutes mom finally got her wish to hold at least one of the girls. Shaun handed her Stana and Gary handed Kensi to Melina. Nathan and I took stupid amounts of photos but it was good. We would send copies back for everyone. I got plenty of my nieces and nephew. Everyone got to hold the girls and even Mikhaila and Montana were excited to hold them. Montana played protector of Kensi and stood with every single person who held her reminding them to hold her head. She was so adorable.

After nearly 2 hours of the girls being handed around for holds and snuggles I finally had both my girls back in the pram and asleep.

For ages we talked about what we had all been up to. Everyone had new stuff. No one was living at home anymore- to mom's delight. Mom and her husband were planning on moving into a smaller house with fewer bedrooms and no stairs if they could help it. Melina and Josh and the kids were still in the same place but looking for somewhere bigger now that Jaxon was getting bigger. Gary had met a girl, Tanya, and they had moved out together. He was also working at a new place with his best mate Andy and was in a management role. Shaun and Daniel had bought an apartment near the city and were doing very well for themselves. Shaun was the owner of the cafe where he also worked and Daniel was working back at Tennis Australia doing Public Relations. Melina was a full time nurse and Josh was still at the abattoir but both happy. Mikhaila was in year eight and at high school and Montana was in grade four. WOW how time has flown by. Jaxon was nearly five and his school days were to commence the follow year; Australia's school year is January to December. Finally it came to us and Nathan and I seemed to have alot more going on than everyone else.

"Well in the three and a bit years since I left, I met and married Nathan, been working hard doing multiple things and after 12 months of marriage we decided we wanted to start a family and now have two beautiful baby girls. That's the quick version." I explained.

"What do you do Tam?" Gary asked.

"I was working for ABC as a production manager but I'm on maternity leave at the moment."

"So I take it you're living in LA?" Mom asked.

"Yeah. I have been living in LA for almost the whole time I've been away. I started off in Alaska, moved to Canada, where Nathan and I met, and then moved to LA with him."

"Are you enjoying it?" Gary.

"Yeah I am. I love it. There is no place I'd rather be. I have my friends and my family and I couldn't be happier." As soon as I said that I could feel the pain of those words rip through the people around me. Maybe it was clear to them now that I didn't need them to keep me happy. Part of me was happy that I had hurt them, maybe they'd realise how much they had hurt me but part of me hated hurting them too.

"We are glad you are happy Tamara." Gran smiled at me.

"Thanks Gran," I smiled back at her.

With that I looked down to find an awake Kensi looking at me. I picked her up and moved her into her spot. I rubbed her back knowing I was tense and hoping I didn't let her feel it. I checked her nappy and found she needed changing. I excused myself and took Kensi inside to be changed. As I lay her down on her back she started to squirm. She hates being changed but we got through it quickly and she only fussed a little. I picked her up as I walked in to the bathroom to wash my hands I cold overhear the conversations happening outside.

Mom was asking Nathan about our marriage and our kids and then bam! "So do you know why she left?"

I can't believe I was hearing this. I can't believe she'd ask Nathan that. We had agreed; no past.

"That is not a conversation I should be having with you. That is a conversation you should be having with your daughter." Nathan replied.

"Well my daughter wants nothing to do with me but I don't know what I ever did wrong." Mom remarked, clearly getting angry.

"It is not my place to discuss it Tina."

"I am not dropping this. I need to know what I did for my daughter to hate me so much and she won't talk to me." Mom was so angry as she practically spat her words at Nathan.

"Maybe your daughter left for all the things you didn't do, and only a few things you did." Nathan snapped. He was not happy with mom's anger. It was not the time or the place for this. He had invited her here to see me, not to yell at me. "If you want answers maybe you should look at yourself Tina."

Mom scoffed at him. "You only know what Tamara tells you. You weren't here, you never saw her. She was always angry and argumentative and no one could talk to her about anything without getting yelled at."

Nathan signed heavily. He was clearly conflicted. "When I first met Tam she was still so angry even though she'd been away for six months. But it was never really about what you had done but more about what you hadn't done. It took ages for Tam to trust me enough to talk to me, but when she finally did all her pain and fear lay in the hands of only a few select people. And Tina, it was mainly you."

Mom scoffed again at Nathan's comment and went to respond.

"Before you interrupt me let me speak." Nath continued. "Tam went through alot as a kid and as a teen and as an adult and none of you were ever there for her, she had no one to turn to. You forgot her birthday. You forgot her at Christmas. It was like she didn't exist anymore."

"No we didn't" Melina interrupted.

"Well clearly you did or else she wouldn't have felt so ignored and invisible that she had to leave. Tamara was ignored her whole life. Told she wasn't good enough, wouldn't amount to anything, was too this or too that and then she was forgotten; by her own family. I remember when she told me about her hysterectomy. She just cried. I had never seen her so broken. But it seems all she ever wanted was for someone to see her pain, but nobody did. But after her surgery she was devastated, all she could think about was the fact she'd never be a mom and after looking into her options, again she was told she wouldn't be a mom. Barely two months after her surgery Melina gave birth to Jaxon but no one asked her if she was doing ok. No one considered that watching her sister have another baby right after she was told time and time again that she couldn't have kids, would have a huge affect on her. Logically she knew that she should be happy for her sister, but she just couldn't. She was so sad and angry and jealous. She didn't say anything because she thought you would all think she was pathetic and weak and selfish. She thought all those things of herself because she couldn't be happy for her sister. She hated herself for not being strong enough." Nathan sighed deeply; I assume he was remembering all the tears I'd cried over the years. "On the odd occasion that she tried to talk about how she was doing she was ignored or flat out told her feelings were not valid or made to feel stupid. At Christmas' when she was surrounded by children she was never asked if she was ok. And as she clearly cascaded further and further into depression no one asked why, no one tried to help. It was too hard. You said it yourself Tina, she was always angry and argumentative. She was too difficult to deal with so you all just ignored her instead." Nathan was worked up; I could hear it in his voice. "And to be honest, even if you had have asked her, she never would have. After 28 years of ignoring her and telling her how she doesn't fit in and isn't good enough, there was no trust, just pure fear of rejection and judgement. I can see why she didn't want to talk to you; or anyone. Tamara spent her life pushing people away so she could never be hurt again. So even if you think this is all on her, it actually isn't. It's all on you for being a failure of a family to her." I could tell he was trying not to cry. His voice hitched when he spoke.

"You have no right to say that to us Nathan." Mom.

"You asked, I told you. If you can't accept the truth I suggest you leave. Tamara came to see her grandparents and to introduce her daughters, not to be tormented by her past. I should never have invited you. I'm sorry. I was hoping you would be able to let the past go and see how wonderful your daughter and sister is, and maybe be happy for her and proud of her, and maybe even tell her that. Now I am going to get my wife and my daughters and we'll be leaving. I'll do whatever I need to do to make sure you never see her again." I heard Nathan get up, grab Stana and walk inside.

I walked out of the bathroom and quickly over to him. "Are you ok? Don't fight with her, just ignore her. "

"God, she's not ready to see how this is her fault? She's in total denial." Nathan was shocked that anyone could be like that.

"I know. Don't worry about it. Let's get out of here shall we. We'll go and have a nice meal at the hotel and spend the night with our girls and maybe get some sleep." I leaned up and kissed Nathan. I could tell he felt horrible for inviting them. But I know it was done with the best intentions.

"I'm really sorry Tam." Nathan kissed my head as I hugged him as tightly as I could with each of us with a baby in our arms.

"It's ok. You didn't know."

"Well I know now and you don't ever have to see them again."

"Thank you. We'll see what happens over the next few days." I squeezed him as tight as I could with Kensi in my arms.

Nathan and I walked outside.

"We're gonna head off." I announced.

Gran's face dropped "Are you sure?"

"No we're gonna go, you stay." Mom.

"Nathan and I need sleep, we haven't had much since we landed and the girls will need feeding again soon, so we will go. Gran, we are here till Friday as I said, and we aren't staying far away so we'll come over again on the weekend and during the week next week. Trust me, you will see plenty of us."

Nathan and I packed up the pram and the girls and started to head off. I gave everyone a hug goodbye. Nathan said goodbye to everyone but Mom and Melina and we started to leave.

"Don't forget to come have lunch or dinner at my work Tam." Shaun said as he gave me a hug goodbye.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. I want to see you again. You're my sister."

"How about we come in when you are not working so we can talk to you?"

"Sounds good, how about Tuesday after the lunch rush, say 2pm?"

"Perfect. See you then." I smiled at him.

Shaun handed me his business card and hugged me again.

With that we said our final goodbyes and left.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The weekend came and almost went. Nathan and I took the girls back over to Gran and Grandad's for them to spend more time with them. Nathan, Gran and Grandad had apologised for how things went on the Friday. It wasn't their fault mom had gone nuts and refused to acknowledge her short comings. I was ok after a good sleep. Disappointed that it couldn't just be a nice catch up with their daughter and sister they hadn't seen in over three years. But oh well. That was that. I was clearly better without them. Gran had mentioned that after Nathan and I had left there was a huge argument between everyone. Shaun and Gary had defended me and tried to tell mom that what Nathan had said was true and Melina and Mom flat out ignored them and stood by their opinion that it was my issue. Gran and Grandad had asked them to leave after an hour of fighting. Mom was their daughter but I was their granddaughter and they wouldn't know what mom was like to live with so they didn't comment either way.

Sunday afternoon was a great afternoon though. We, again, were at Gran and Grandad's. We had taken more photos and finally got a nice picture of us for the photo frame and I was over the fighting and the arguing. We had a good long talk while the girls were asleep about Nathan and I and what we had been up to. We had lots of laughs about the things we had gotten up to when Gran and Grandad were in LA for our wedding. We caught up on more detailed things that Gran and Grandad had been up to too. We played with the girls when they woke up and went down for the pub for dinner. All the waitresses cooed over the girls and were very helpful when we asked for hot water for the bottles. An older waitress organised them and brought the bottles out in a pint of cold water; what a great idea. As we waited for the bottles to cool enough to make add formula and then cool enough to feed the girls we got onto to the topic of activities for the rest of the week.

"Well tomorrow we are going to see the Davies' family and then Tuesday we are going to see Shaun for lunch at his work. And that's really all we have planned at the moment. We wanted to spend the time with you so we didn't really plan anything and the girls are too young to do anything really." I commented.

"So we will see you again before you leave?" Grandad.

"Of course. I said on Friday that you would see lots of us this week."

"Well your Aunty Lee and Uncle Paul want to see you." Gran.

"Well if they don't cause a scene like Mom did, then I'd like to see them too." Me.

"How about Wednesday night we meet for dinner at 6pm somewhere?" Gran.

"Sounds good Gran. You ask Aunty Lee and Uncle Paul what's best for them and let us know."

"Ok" Gran smiled.

We went our separate ways after the girls were fed. It was a good day and night had by all.


End file.
